It has been a whirlwind of a week, like most weeks seem to be lately. However, in the midst of chaos I have managed to meet some wonderful people. People who unfortunately are faced with an awful disease we call Cancer. Here are the highlights.
Team In Training (TNT) is getting ready to kick off the summer season with a fresh new set of participants. I received an email from an exceptionally excited marathoner who just could not wait to get started. I love taking calls from people like this; their energy is just contagious! You cannot help but smile along with them. However, when we are at the height of recruitment with a seemingly endless list of “to-dos”, I have to admit that I tend to find myself hurrying through new participant calls. I do this just so I can get right back to that ominous list of tasks. This week I decided to make a conscious effort to be present, to stop and take a moment. To really listen and try to connect to these people, after all they have signed up to do what few people even dare to think about. So, as we discussed the season further I began to understand just why this was so important to her. A good friend of hers has a 3 year old daughter, Olivia, who is currently being treated for ALL, a form of Leukemia. Olivia is our newest and littlest honored hero and is sure to be an inspiration for all.
This new participant sent me the link to Olivia’s Caring Bridge site. A site I have become all too familiar with. Once again I felt the excitement of a new season quickly turn into noticeable dread as I clicked on the link. Wow! She is such a beautiful little girl. I am hoping to get a chance to meet her soon and maybe even drop off a TNT teddy bear in hopes of bringing a smile to her face. Her family is full of hope and after a 3 year treatment protocol hopefully life will return to normal for her and her family; a new normal that is. I have included the link for those interested in learning more about this sweet little girl.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/oliviabaumgardner
As I set the phone down on the base, I began to feel the shiver of anxiety race through my body. The usual questions came streaming into my head. "Why isn’t there a cure?" "What can I do?" "Why can't I stop this?" The anxiety began to subside but was quickly replaced with a small dose of anger served with a side of helplessness.
Just then, my mind switches to Heather, who is a friend and such an inspiration to me. Last year at this time she was training for the Rock N Roll San Diego Marathon. Here is a little disclaimer; I am about to share a story that I have actually never even shared with her (Heather please forgive me!)everyone else, bear with me.
I distinctly remember one practice that season, it was the first real time we had a conversation. The air was chilly as we sat under the glaring field lights at Anderson Junior High. Heather originally signed up with TNT to participate in the Arizona PF Changs Rock N Roll Marathon the season before. Well, life got in the way and I think there may have even been an injury or two but she had to transfer to the next season, the Rock N Roll San Diego. At track practice Heather asked to talk to me. She was concerned about the fundraising and being able to meet her goal. We went through some ideas and hashed out her concerns. I had tried to reassure her the best I could but I still saw some doubt in her eyes. I also had my doubts; I thought the possibility of life getting in the way again was high. But I hoped she would stick it out.
On the drive home, I had this feeling wash over me. I can't really explain it. It was almost as if something was telling me she was supposed to be on our team THIS season. Looking back I believe she definitely was. Throughout the season she was at almost every track practice. We ran the same pace. Together we would dream of tropical vacations and cabana boys as we tried to take our minds off of the painful speed workouts. Everyone on that team became close and Heather was right in the center of these new found friends. The end of the season came pretty much without incident and included many promises to keep in touch. The team did.
One day Heather announced on Facebook that she had been diagnosed with cancer. I had to read the post at least eight times before I could even understand what she was saying. She had gotten into a car accident a few weeks prior and was resigned to lying on the couch to heal her sore muscles. As she was lying on her side she felt a weird lump. That weird lump turned out to be breast cancer. We were all shocked. She was determined. She underwent surgery and followed up with rounds of chemo. She has taken everything that has been thrown at her with such grace. She is still smiling and has kept her amazing sense of humor.
A few months later she announces that she is going to do the “Tri For A Cure” triathlon, while still undergoing treatment! I could barely complete a triathlon completely healthy let alone while battling a serious disease! She simply puts me to shame. Heather had the determination, the courage, even a training plan, she just needed a bike. As I read the request to borrow a bike, I quickly began to feel guilty about all of the dust my bike was surely collecting. I then got excited about the possibility that my bike could see some action once again. It has been longer than I would like to admit since the last time I have taken it out for a spin. I happily volunteered my neglected bike.
I think we were all again amazed at her strength. After lots of phone tag and a few weekends she came to pick it up. I gave her a quick crash course on road bikes and she sped off with my bike and more courage than I'll ever know and enough energy to fill five people. The rest of the story? Well that remains to be seen. Her race is March 20th and I will be there cheering her on at the top of my lungs. Stay tuned…
She is such a beautiful person. I feel absolutely honored to have her in my life. I hope in some small way we too have helped her. I think her TNT experience worked out the way it did because she was meant to have us and we were meant to have her. Thank you, Heather, for truly inspiring me. For providing living proof that it is not what happens to you in life but it is how you deal with it. I am behind you all the way!!!
As the week progressed I attempted to re-center myself. I want to take the pain away from Heather, Olivia, and every other cancer patient with every fiber of my being. I wish I could take the diagnosis away and change the reality of it all. It is so hard to swallow that at this very moment I simply cannot do it. However, I do take comfort in knowing that there are things I can do. People need people to care, to listen, to love, and to help. I want to do all of those things. I will be the first to admit that I am far, far from perfect. I get annoyed, angry, frustrated, tired, and even careless. That is where I need your help. Hold me accountable. I want to strengthen my relationship with each of you and when I am not doing that let me know. (nicely if at all possible =))I need to accept I cannot take all of the pain in this world away or solve the world's problems. Maybe it is not my place to even attempt it. But if I strive to make a positive impact on the world around me hopefully I will leave this place better than when I found it.
One of my favorite quotes is; "A single snowflake never feels responsible for the avalanche" which describes my theory perfectly. I am just one person. But what if each of us made a conscious effort to make a positive impact in the lives of those around us? I believe it is the series of small things that make the big difference. Hold a door open, carry something heavy for someone, smile at a stranger, look up from your blackberry or iPhone, just be present for those we are with, give people a break. This is my focus for the week.
I am in no means trying to imply that I have the answers to create a "better" world or I that know anymore than anyone else. I am simply trying to do something. I would love to hear your thoughts, experiences, and or what you do. I am trying to find my way. For now, I will find contentment with “controlling the controllables”. Me.
A huge thank you to everyone who has donated so far! It brings a tear to my eye every time I get a donation notification. I am overwhelmed by your generosity! My link is below if anyone else would like to donate to support the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society and our mission to find a CURE for blood cancers.
Thanks for reading, please pass on to anyone who would be interested!
JC
