People are disappointing. A wise man once said, “hell is others” that is exactly how I am feeling. Please be forewarned, this post may be a little whinny overly emotional and possibly angry. However, I must get it off my chest. Hopefully I can move towards peace once again after I get it all out. So bear with me. I haven’t written in a couple of weeks and I have to admit I have lacked some serious inspiration. I feel like a little donkey headed for the bottom of the Grand Canyon, saddled and fatigued.
Relationships of any kind are difficult. When a friend you thought “would always be there” is nowhere near in a time of need. Disappointing. When you have their best interest at heart and it is not returned. Disappointing. The list goes on and on. I am sure we can all relate. I know I have been let down and in return let my best of friends down. It happens.
I am talking more about the little day to day things that can pile up and leave me or anyone feeling this way. If you think I don’t hear your comments, I assure you I do. If you think I don’t see your actions, I see them clearly. Your silence screams indifference, and I have to admit breaks my heart a bit.
Relationships are the only thing we really have in this life. Show up for people. Be aware. I carry my friendship around like a sword. I protect myself with the comfort in knowing, “I don’t have to be your friend” hurt me and we’re no longer buddies. It’s so easy to unfriend people; just a simple click of the mouse and it’s done. I realize that is simply no way to live.
It would be unfair to say this is always my experience. Over the last few weeks there have been many great acts of friendship. For those I will always be grateful. For those who have disappointed me and even hurt me, I want you to know I am laying down the sword. I am here and will always be here. Everything that I am asking of you, I will do my best to give to you. If you are reading this and you are feeling affected, I am talking to you. Let’s be careful how we treat each other and lay our swords down together. Today.
And now, back to saving lives... =)
I have felt the exact same way since becoming a part of TNT. My very best friend whom I thought would be there to support me a time or two has let me down and disappointed me more than once during my fundraising efforts. It has hurt a great deal and I don't want our friendship to be burdened by that, but I can't help but be very angry at times. Then there are others who aren't as close to me that go above and beyond the call of friendship to be there and support me. I get overwhelmed with emotions when I think of those people and their effort to support my cause. I hope you are feeling better and get the support you need! Go for a run...usually makes me feel better!! :-)
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